Saturday, 11 October 2008

Results Day 2


Friday 12:48
I’m sitting having lunch with a couple of the other doctors that I work with.

“What time do you find out if you’ve passed?” Helen says to me
I look at my watch for the hundredth time. “In seventy-two minutes.” I reply
“I can’t believe you’re so calm about it. I’m really nervous about your results and I didn’t even sit the exam!”
“I’m not actually that calm about it at all, I’m just forcing myself to not think about it.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine though – I have faith.”
“Thanks, but we shall see. It’s like VJ was saying earlier, I think with this exam, the first attempt has to be the best one. If I fail, I’ll have to do it again in January and the thought of having to do all that revision again is one of the most depressing feelings in the world.”
“And then there’s all the money that you paid to sit the exam in the first place,” adds VJ
“Yes, that as well,” I reply. “And also there’s the pride as well. I’ve made such a flipping song and dance about doing this exam that if I have to go round and tell everyone that I’ve failed, it’ll be just so embarrassing.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” reassures Helen, “not many people pass this exam first time, we’re just keeping everything crossed for you.”
“Cheers,” I mumble. “I appreciate that.”

Friday 14:00
I’ve started the afternoon gynaecology list with one of the consultants.

“Do you mind if I go see if the results are up?” I ask.
“Of course not, you go ahead.” I head towards the theatre doors and he says, “Michael, when you come back, I expect you to be smiling.”

I walk round towards the staff room where the computers are. I wasn’t really calm earlier on. I’ve been bricking it all day and now my heart is hammering in my chest and I’m absolutely petrified. I enter the password that allows me to access the internet at work and type in the web address for the Royal College of Anaesthetists. I find the results page and click the link you download the .pdf file containing the pass list.

I slowly scroll down to where my number ought to be. I remember doing this last time, but had forgotten just how horrible the moments just before you find out your result are. This time, I’d remembered my number off by heart so I knew exactly where it ought to be.

My number was up.

I’d passed.

It felt different this time. I didn’t shout or punch the air. I felt a huge wave of relief sweep over me. I sank my head into my hands and had to take a few big breaths. I’d worked so hard for so long and now it was all over. I couldn’t believe it was all over. I’d done it. I’d achieved what I set out to do. I’d done what so many people had failed to do and what so many people doubted I could do. I’d passed the FRCA primary at the first attempt, six months ahead of schedule. I think at this point I may have even shed a tear.

Then I started to smile and then to laugh and then to laugh even more. I stood up with a huge smile on my face and went off to let everyone know that I’d passed.

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I’d also like to say a huge thank-you to everyone who wished me luck online. Just before the exam I really did feel like everyone, I mean everyone - family, friends, work colleagues and commentors on this blog - was rooting for me and I think knowing that really helped me on when the exam got really tough.

Thank-you

17 comments:

smudge said...

Yay! Well done. You deserved it.

Liza

madsadgirl said...

Well done. You must be really proud of yourself. Hopefully this means we will see you blogging more frequently again.

Chris said...

Well done!

H J said...

huzzah! :) now you can concentrate on actually being an anaesthetist, right? instead of just revising like mad to be one ;) that, and maybe have a bit of your life back.

awesome.

Elaine said...

That is the best news. You worked so hard it would have been so terrible if you had failed.

Never mind all the worry (for this one) is over. So go and enjoy your work.

dylthedog said...

Congratulations!!

Jo said...

Fantastic! :-D Well done - you really deserved that :-D

BenefitScroungingScum said...

Congratulations and very well deserved! BG

steph said...

Woo Hoo! Well done!

This is lovely news to find.

Are we allowed to celebrate too? ;-)

SSS said...

Congratulations!

Kim said...

Well done you!!

anna gregory said...

Brilliant - nice one
Anna
xx

anna gregory said...

Brilliant - nice one
Anna
xx

The Welsh Pharmacist said...

Well done, old chap.

I hope you went and drunk beer until you could no longer stand up.

Dr James Shorthouse said...

Nice one mate. Check out my site for your next exam (in some months time!).

Canuckian's Evil Twin said...

i've just caught up - congratulations!!! you did it! well deserved. :oD

Tazocin said...

Congratulations!