Monday, 27 October 2008

Saturday Night

Things a 16-year-old girl should be doing at 9pm on a Saturday night.

  • Voting for her favourite person to win X-Factor
  • Arguing with her parents who tell her “You are NOT going out dressed like that.”
  • Chatting with her mates and explaining why her new boyfriend is so fantastic
  • Posting pictures of her cat on Flickr
  • Downloading the new Kings of Leon song
  • Getting excited as she sits in the cinema and the opening credits of High School Musical 3 come on the screen
  • Chatting to her Irish friend on Bebo
  • Standing nervously in the queue to get into the new bar in town and hoping the bouncers don’t spot her fake I.D.

Things a 16-year-old girl should NOT be doing at 9pm on a Saturday night.

  • Lying cold and lifeless on an A&E trolley as the priest reads her last rites.

Saturday, 25 October 2008

Through the darkness


I’ve been working as a doctor for a few years now which means that I’ve a few years of working night shifts. You’d think that after all this time I’d know the best way to re-adjust my body clock so I can work through the hours of darkness but this is really not the case.

The trouble with working all through the night is that you invariably end up deprived of sleep, no matter how hard you try to sleep during the day. On top of that, it’s actually pretty difficult to eat properly. You don’t really feel hungry when you’re on nights, but a couple of nights in, you’ll start to feel really weak, irritable and spaced out and you’ll realise that it’s probably because you hardly eaten anything for 48 hours.

I’ve tried various strategies to get me through. I’ve tried forcing myself to stay awake the night before, I’ve tried trying to sleep whenever possible, I’ve tried sugar, I’ve tried caffeine, I’ve tried exercise and I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no good way to flip your body clock to working nights and then flip it back again.

My current strategy is to eat two largish meals – one before I set off for work in the evening and one before I leave work in the morning. I’ll also try and eat something at around 01:00 and if it gets quiet, I’ll try and snatch some sleep. I don’t think getting through nights becomes any easier, but I would say that these days, I’m more prepared for how crap I’ll feel.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

On a roll

Now I’ve passed my exam, it means that I’m going to be an anaesthetic registrar in less than a year’s time. This means that out-of-hours I’ll be the most senior anaesthetist in the hospital and have to look after just about everything with no immediate back-up. It’s quite a scary prospect, so for the next few months I’ve decided to try and get as much exposure as I can in the aspects of anaesthesia and intensive care that I feel I don’t have much experience in. Effectively this is just about everything at the moment, but right now I’m trying to concentrate on specific procedural skills, so I’ll feel much more willing to do things out of hours. Specifically, I’m focusing on spinal and epidural anaesthesia.

This is one of the many aspects of anaesthesia that I find truly amazing. Basically, with an injection in the back, patients can have their operations and be completely awake and lucid throughout. You can sit next to them and have a conversation about gardening whilst they have their leg sawed off or their womb sliced open and they are completely pain-free throughout the whole operation. It’s really quite incredible if you think about it.

I know this link makes it look very simple but actually giving the injection into the right place is very tricky though because you can’t see where your needle is going. I have to rely on my knowledge of anatomy and previous experience to get it right.

A while ago, I posted about having a bit of a crisis of confidence. I basically felt that I wasn’t as good as I’d have liked to be at some aspect of my job. Well, it’s now a month later and I feel rather different, I've got over myself a bit and now just want to get as much experience I can at stuff so I can get better at it.

I clearly remember being a house officer in my first few months of my medical job. We had an elderly gentleman, Mr B., on the ward who had terminal cancer. He needed a venflon so we could give him some IV fluids to prevent him getting dehydrated. I tried once; I failed. I tried again; I failed. I must have looked really dispondent because he said to me, "Son, if you fall of a horse, the first thing you must do is get back on it again." The third time, I succeeded in getting a venflon in. Unfortunately, Mr B died of his cancer a couple of weeks later, but his words have stayed with me to this day.

A couple of months ago, I often just could not do spinal anaesthetics. I’d attempt and fail and then have to ask the consultant or registrar to take over. In the last few weeks, however, I’ve got much better at it. All of my last five attempts have been successful. All five patients had no pain for their operation whilst being awake. I’m on a bit of a roll and am feeling a bit pleased with myself at the moment.

On another note, I feel that my getting the exam out of the way early is going to be really beneficial for me. Now, I really do feel like all the pressure is off and I can get on with the business of learning to be a really good anaesthetist. Also, from a career point of view, it gives me time to get involved with audits and teaching. This is good because I really enjoy teaching and it will look good on my CV. All-in-all I feel that for the next few months, at work I can relax a bit and really start to enjoy myself.

Monday, 20 October 2008

A shot in the arm

For those of us who work in the NHS, it’s something that divides opinions as neatly and effortlessly as Bob Dylan or Marmite. It comes around at roughly this time every year and the chatter I hear around the wards and operating theatres suggest that this year is no different. You hear snatched snippets of conversation that go like…

“Are you going to do it? I’m not sure if I should I know Adrian’s doing it but he’s a bit older than me”

“There’s no way that I’m going to do it – I don’t see the point and I’ll just feel rough afterwards.”

“The way I see it is that it’s there to help us so we may as well take the opportunity while it’s there.”

“I can’t believe you’re going to do it, why on earth would anyone want to do that to themselves?”

I’m talking, of course, about the annual flu jab. This gets offered around this time of year to all health care workers as we are deemed “at high risk” because of our exposure to sick people. There is a problem though. The flu vaccine will inevitably make you feel really rough for a couple of days. You’ll get a runny nose, a cough, achy joints – in short, you’ll feel just like you’ve got the flu. It’s not as bad as the real thing though. I remember one Christmas when I was in my mid teens and I came down with the flu really badly. It was horrible. I literally couldn’t get out of bed for a couple of days and I felt hideous for about a week.

As a result, I see things like this: actually getting the flu is far worse than feeling rough for a couple of days. If the shot in the arm helps prevent me from the misery of the virus, then I’m all for it.

Needless to say, I was at the front of the queue when the Occupational Health Department opened their doors today.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

200

I would like to say a huge thank-you for your messages of congratulations on my last post.

You know, I went into the city centre on Sunday afternoon. I took the bus in and I walked around for a bit. Not for any reason in particular, just because I could. I really feel that there has been a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I was actually laughing to myself when I was walking through the park. I was laughing because I didn’t have to go home and try and remember the breakdown products of sevoflurane or the pKa of fentanyl or anything like that. What felt even better was that I didn’t feel guilty about not studying and didn’t get stressed that this was time I was wasting in which I could be learning those crucial few factoids that could make the difference between a pass and a fail. It felt great.

This is my 200th post on this blog.

I started this blog back in spring 2007 (halcyon days according to the politicians and financial experts, though I think several thousand junior doctors would disagree) and I honestly didn’t think that I’d still be doing it a year and a half later. There was no political motivation behind the blog (there still isn’t), I just started to write because I enjoyed writing for writing’s sake. I still do enjoy writing, and I guess, I’ll keep blogging as long as it’s fun for me.

Back when I started, I wasn’t to know just how spectacularly I’d be dicked around by MMC and I was probably pretty keen to continue working in general medicine, but had started to think seriously about switching to anaesthetics. My life has changed a hell of a lot since I started this blog (generally for the better, I think) and I think I’ve changed rather a lot as a person too.

I’m clearer about what I want from my career and my life in general. I’m less willing to be pushed around by others who want to make their own lives easier. I’m also much less scared now. I’m less scared by what I could potentially be asked to deal with. When I first qualified as a doctor, we used to joke about the tag line from the old Dr Pepper ads – “What’s the worst that could happen?” because we were really scared about being harming our patients or being powerless to prevent their demise.

Now, after being an anaesthetic SHO for a while now, I’ve seen “the worst thing that could happen” again and again and again. I’ve seen people vomit blood and keep on vomiting until they die because they literally have no blood left. I’ve a little girl rushed into A&E but amid the drama and the frantic activity, there is one unchanging fact – the baby is dead. I’ve seen people with the most horrific injuries from accidents (including a partial decapitation) and every time something this awful happens, I’ve seen the hospital staff try to move heaven and earth to help these people who come to our door. The point is, I’ve had to cope with it and I have to try and be of some use to these people. Every time the on call pager goes off and I get the “Could you please attend A&E resus immediately” I know that “the worst that could happen” is probably already happening and they’re calling me to help them out.

This post seems to have turned a bit more introspective than I intended it to. Being a doctor isn’t all doom and gloom and blood and guts – it’s actually quite fun. I enjoy chatting to the patients and the staff every day. I enjoy feeling that there are a number of people walking around the UK right now whose life is better in some way because of something I’ve done. I enjoy feeling that every day I make a difference sometimes in a big way, but more often in a small way.

I may bitch and moan about things that frustrate me about my work but, at the end of the day, I love my job and, all-in-all, I wouldn’t really want to do anything else.

Anyway, enough blabbing, I’m off to bed – I’m on call again tomorrow.

Saturday, 11 October 2008

Results Day 2


Friday 12:48
I’m sitting having lunch with a couple of the other doctors that I work with.

“What time do you find out if you’ve passed?” Helen says to me
I look at my watch for the hundredth time. “In seventy-two minutes.” I reply
“I can’t believe you’re so calm about it. I’m really nervous about your results and I didn’t even sit the exam!”
“I’m not actually that calm about it at all, I’m just forcing myself to not think about it.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine though – I have faith.”
“Thanks, but we shall see. It’s like VJ was saying earlier, I think with this exam, the first attempt has to be the best one. If I fail, I’ll have to do it again in January and the thought of having to do all that revision again is one of the most depressing feelings in the world.”
“And then there’s all the money that you paid to sit the exam in the first place,” adds VJ
“Yes, that as well,” I reply. “And also there’s the pride as well. I’ve made such a flipping song and dance about doing this exam that if I have to go round and tell everyone that I’ve failed, it’ll be just so embarrassing.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” reassures Helen, “not many people pass this exam first time, we’re just keeping everything crossed for you.”
“Cheers,” I mumble. “I appreciate that.”

Friday 14:00
I’ve started the afternoon gynaecology list with one of the consultants.

“Do you mind if I go see if the results are up?” I ask.
“Of course not, you go ahead.” I head towards the theatre doors and he says, “Michael, when you come back, I expect you to be smiling.”

I walk round towards the staff room where the computers are. I wasn’t really calm earlier on. I’ve been bricking it all day and now my heart is hammering in my chest and I’m absolutely petrified. I enter the password that allows me to access the internet at work and type in the web address for the Royal College of Anaesthetists. I find the results page and click the link you download the .pdf file containing the pass list.

I slowly scroll down to where my number ought to be. I remember doing this last time, but had forgotten just how horrible the moments just before you find out your result are. This time, I’d remembered my number off by heart so I knew exactly where it ought to be.

My number was up.

I’d passed.

It felt different this time. I didn’t shout or punch the air. I felt a huge wave of relief sweep over me. I sank my head into my hands and had to take a few big breaths. I’d worked so hard for so long and now it was all over. I couldn’t believe it was all over. I’d done it. I’d achieved what I set out to do. I’d done what so many people had failed to do and what so many people doubted I could do. I’d passed the FRCA primary at the first attempt, six months ahead of schedule. I think at this point I may have even shed a tear.

Then I started to smile and then to laugh and then to laugh even more. I stood up with a huge smile on my face and went off to let everyone know that I’d passed.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’d also like to say a huge thank-you to everyone who wished me luck online. Just before the exam I really did feel like everyone, I mean everyone - family, friends, work colleagues and commentors on this blog - was rooting for me and I think knowing that really helped me on when the exam got really tough.

Thank-you

Monday, 6 October 2008

Leaving everything on the track

So this is it.

My bags are packed, my shoes are polished and soon I’ll be heading off to the capital to sit the second part of the FRCA Primary exam. Two oral exams and one 90-minute OSCE stand between me and the “pass” that I need to go on to become an anaesthetics registrar (or ST3 in new money).

I have to say that I’m not feeling too frightened or nervous by the prospect of having my knowledge picked apart by the RCoA examiners. I’ve been working incredibly hard over the last couple of weeks and to be honest with you, I’m REALLY fed up with it all. I’m sick of the sight of my textbooks and I can’t wait for it to all be over – for better or for worse.

With this exam I’ve realised that I’m not going to be able to know everything that they could possibly ask. I reckon that you could spend half a lifetime studying physiology and still get flummoxed by a question on some random cytokine and same applies to pharmacology. My simple aim has been to try and know enough about enough subjects to pass this exam. I have to say that I’m feeling quietly confident about it at the moment and I reckon that if I manage to keep my composure (easier said than done!), with a little bit of luck I should hopefully be OK. Of course, I’m just speculating – I won’t really know this until the results are published at 2pm on Friday.

I remember watching the Usain Bolt breaking the legendary Michael Johnson’s 200m world record in the summer and in an interview afterwards he said something really telling.

“The night before that 200 metres final I told my room-mate,
Maurice Smith, ‘I'm going to leave everything out there on the track
tomorrow,'”


He “left everything on the track.” He gave it his all and didn’t hold anything back at all.

In some ways I too feel I’m giving this exam my very best shot. I’ve used all my study leave and I’ve racked up over 100 hours of study in the last three weeks alone. I’ve really tried my hardest to cram as much as I can into my skull, but despite this I’m all to aware that there is a hell of a lot that I still don’t know. I’m going to give this my very best effort and I hope that it will be good enough.

The problem with “leaving everything on the track” is that I don’t know what I’ll do if I fail this exam. Like I say, I could hardly have worked harder for it, so failure kind of leaves me with nowhere left to go. But I’m not really contemplating failure at the moment to be honest, the prospect of having to pick myself up and put myself through all this again makes me feel physically ill. I’m not really into rap music but I think Eminem spoke volumes on “Lose Yourself” when he said “…success is my only motherfucking option – failure’s not…”

Whatever happens, I shall be glad when it’s all over.

Saturday, 4 October 2008

No such thing as a free lunch



Back near the start of the year, I was feeling a little poor. Like a lot of people, I’d ended up being a little overgenerous at Christmastime, and I started the new year feeling a tad broke. One morning, I noticed a poster saying there was a free lunch for junior doctors that day in the doctor’s mess. I’m all in for a bit of free food, so I made sure I was in the mess at 12:30 to tuck into the M&S sandwiches.

The lunch was sponsored by one of these Independent Financial Advice (IFA) companies. This meant that, while we munched away, we had to listen to their reps talk to us about the state of our finances and what we needed to do to “help secure our financial future.” I’d heard similar things from similar companies several times since my med student days and I’d become rather cynical about what these people say.

Basically they bang on for about 20 minutes telling us loads of stuff we know already, then they start talking about how expensive university/mortgages/living costs are and then they try and flog us payment protection insurance. Daniel and Jane, the IFA reps, were no different. They were very charming, very attractive, wore nice suits and had expensive-looking haircuts and I could see how you could get swept along with all the “wise” words that they were saying.

Like I say, I was feeling a bit broke at the time and I was a bit more willing than normal to listen to any advice about how to make the money I earn go a little further. I booked an appointment and with Daniel a week or so later to discuss the state of my finances. I’ve heard for a long time from many sources that “over the long-term shares are a better investment that property” so I was quite interested in how the whole “investing in the stock-market” thing worked. Daniel and I met and I batted away his hard-sell of payment protection insurance and then I had a look at the share portfolio that he had put together for me.

He said that he’d selected “the investment funds that most suited my ambitions” and gave me a lovely portfolio containing lots of nice graphs and lots of stuff like “MultiPEP” and “+113%” and “convenient and tax-efficient way of investing” and there were lots of pages with lots of names and lots of numbers in very small print.

It all looked very impressive, but my problem was I still had no bleeding idea how it all worked. As far as I could see, the deal amounted to me giving Daniel £50 to £100 each month and then I may or may not get more or less money back at some point in the future… perhaps. I really didn’t “get” how investing in shares worked, so I was a little loathe to put my hard-earned money into something I really didn’t understand.

I have a few friends who work in the financial markets and when I meet them they seem to be very successful but when they start talking about “P&L accounts” and “asset ratios” I get lost very quickly. I’m sure it’s not actually that complicated, but I’m basically not at all interested in it, so I either tune out very quickly or change the subject back to women and football.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that I didn’t buy any shares and put my £50 each month into an ISA instead. To his credit, Daniel agreed that that was probably the wisest idea at the time.

Fast-forward now to last Thursday evening. It’s about 18:30 and I’m just arriving home from work. I look around my place and it’s an absolute tip. I will confess that I have a tendency to go to seed a bit when I have a big exam coming up but I decide enough is enough and dedicate the rest of the evening to tidying up. Guess what I find? Yup, the share portfolio that Daniel put together for me all those months ago.

I’ve been following what’s been happening in the financial markets with a dispassionate interest (I want everyone who feels sorry for the city bankers to put their hands up now… anyone?... anyone at all?.... I thought not) so I thought I’d look on the internet about what happened to the funds that Daniel had advised me to invest in.

Guess what? Every single one of them was down by between 15% and 40% over the last year. If you include Daniel taking his fee and the fund managers and taxmen taking their cuts I would have been left significantly out of pocket. Now despite what you hear in the press, I don’t actually earn a vast amount of money and I would have been seriously pissed off if I’d decided to invest at the start of the year, especially knowing that my money had probably been spent by City Boys pouring Kristal over stripper’s arses in some lapdancing club in Soho.

Now, from what I understand, banks like Northern cRock, Lehman Bros and HBOS got themselves into trouble basically by investing in thing they don’t understand and as I sit here typing this, I feel like patting myself on the back for not making the same mistake that they did.

The other point I want to make is that it is Daniel’s job to pick the best places for me to invest my money. I have no idea if he’s still doing that job and I have nothing personal against the guy, he appeared to be a really nice bloke but he’s meant to be an expert. He earns a living and buys expensive suits on the basis of his “expertise.” The question is… If he can get it as badly wrong as he has done, do I really think that he’s competent in his job? If I did as badly in my job as he’s done in his, I shudder to think what might have happened.

Friday, 26 September 2008

Anaesthetist 1 Surgeon 0

We're halfway through a gall bladder operation

Consultant surgeon to surgical SHO: What passes through the foramen spinosum?
Me: I know that one! It's the middle meningeal artery
Surgical SHO: Which is a branch of the maxillary artery
Me: I'm an anaesthetist and even I know that. I've got one for you guys
Surgical SHO: Go on...
Me: What's the equation for heat generated by the diathermy machine?
Surgical SHO: ...
Consultant surgeon: ...

One of the few advantages of exam revision is that occasionally, you get to look dead clever at work...

(p.s. if you're really interested, the answer is Heat is proportional to the square of the current divided by the area)

A night's sleep

It’s four in the morning and I’m working a night shift when my pager goes off. I pick up the phone and dial the number on the screen.

“Hello, staff nurse speaking.”
“Hello, it’s Michael here – anaesthetics – were you paging me”
“Yes, it’s staff nurse on the colorectal ward. Do you know Emma?”
“No, I’ve not met this person.”
“Well, she’s a patient on the ward who had a bowel resection yesterday evening. I’m calling you because we’re having trouble with her epidural. Over the last hour or so she’s been complaining of pain in her abdomen and it’s been getting worse. I tried to go up on the (epidural) rate, but she’s now saying that she’s in agony. I was wandering if you could come up and review her please.”
“Is her blood pressure OK?” I ask
“Yes,” comes the reply. “The last one was 115/70”
“And has this epidural been working at all since she got back from theatres?”
“It seemed to be earlier on, but, like I say in the last hour or two, she’s been complaining of more and more pain.”
“OK, I’ll come up and see her.”

I pick up my coffee (coffee is a god-send when you’re working through the night) and wander across to the surgical wards. I take a detour via the intensive care unit to pick up a vial of bupivicaine – just in case.

The staff nurse I spoke to greets me as I walk up to the nurse’s station and shows me where the patient is.

Emma is lying stock-still on her back and is grimacing. It’s four in the morning and this woman really should be sleeping. I ask her a few questions, check her observations and tell her my plan.

“What I think is best is that I give you a top-up injection down your epidural and that may well take the pain away. We’ll check your blood pressure a couple of times afterwards, but hopefully you’ll be much more comfortable. If it doesn’t work, then we’ll try something else. Sound like a plan?”

Emma nods at me and I inject 5ml of 0.25% bupivicaine down her epidural. I wander back to the nurse’s station and ask the nurse to check her BP in 15 minutes’ time. I sit down and chat to the nurse for a bit while scribbling something in her notes.

After 15 minutes I go back to see Emma.

“How are you feeling?” I ask. “Has it made any difference?”
She looks up at me and gives me a big smile. “Much better now thank-you. I don’t have any pain at all.”
“It’s gone completely?”
“Yes, thank you so much.”
The nurse checks her blood pressure which reads 121/75.
“Your blood pressure if fine, I’ll increase the rate that the epidural is running at. We’ll check your blood pressure again in about a quarter of an hour and after that, you’ll hopefully be able to get some sleep tonight”
“Thank you again, so much” Emma says to me and I wander back to ICU smiling to myself.

I think part of the appeal of anaesthesia is that just about everything you do makes a tangible difference to the patient. Whether that’s “big” things like an A&E trauma call, or “little” things like giving an epidural injection so a woman can get some sleep the night after her major surgery, you always feel you’re making a difference to help people.

(I think some credit should go to the staff nurse here too, stuff like this is much easier to sort out if the nurse is sensible and knows what she’s doing.)

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Support

There can be no doubt that the job I do is really hard. By that I mean it’s really stressful and it can be really, really emotionally draining. I’ve seen lots of truly horrific things in the last few months and after trying my best to deal with each situation, I have to try and pick myself up again and try not to let it “get to me.” The emotional side is compounded, I think, by the very long hours that I have to work, the fact that I can’t choose to work near my family (thank-you MMC), that I’m having to spend all my spare time studying and the fact that there is a rather macho “just get on with it” attitude among doctors where nobody really talks about the horrible things on any sort of emotional level.

I’m really lucky though because I have a family who love me, a group of really good friends from uni who I know I can always call and a really lovely girlfriend to give me a hug when I need one.

A lot of doctors don’t have the support of a caring network of friends and family and I really see why some doctors struggle. It’s really easy to start to believe that you’re all alone, that every bad thing that happens is your fault and I can see why the rates of drug abuse, alcoholism, depression and suicide are disproportionately high among medics as compared to other professions.

I’m writing this because I made the journey to see my family at the weekend. I was chatting to my father about this and that and he stops and says to me; “You know Michael, I know it’s not often that I say this but me and your mother are really proud of you. Of the things you do and what you’ve achieved. We know you work really hard and you have a really tough job and I do pray for you.”

It’s amazing how just a few words can have such a big effect on me. I had a lump in my throat and just managed a quiet “Thank-you” to my dear father. But the point of this post is just to say that knowing that you have your family by your side no matter what makes shitty times like these MUCH easier to cope with.

Stages of Preparation

For the last few weeks, I’ve had my bum glued to the chair as I try and cram as many facts, principles and theories into my head as possible before my exam next month. I have to say that I feel much happier about my chances of actually getting through it now. I think that there are definitely certain stages that I go through when preparing for a big exam like this one.

Stage 1: Denial.

I think to myself that “everything is going to be OK, other doctors have passed this exam, so it’s obviously not impossible.” I have a vague notion that I’ll need to do “some work” at some point but I’m not at all concerned by the prospect

Stage 2: Trepidation

You can count the number of weeks to the exam in single figures now and I start to get tetchy. I look at some example questions and realise that I can’t do any of them. I look at the pile of anaesthetics books that I have and it hits home hard that there is a HELL OF A LOT of work to get through. At the same time, I’m almost scared to face up to it and start studying in earnest because I know how miserable studying is.

Stage 3: Fear

I’ve tried to learn stuff. I’ve been trying to remember the anatomy of the spinal cord or the shunt equation and its applications, but it just won’t go in. I just don’t “get” it and I can’t remember it all by rote. Everything that goes into my brain leaks out again and I feel I’m never going to know enough. It’s about this time when I start panic-buying more textbooks and ringing round revision courses to see if they have any last minute places.

Stage 4: Hope

Eventually, this stuff starts to stick. I begin to understand it. I realise that I actually DO know some stuff. I CAN derive the Bohr equation from first principle, I CAN talk sensibly about pharmacokinetics and the 3-compartment model, I DO know the side-effects of phenytoin, suxamethonium and a host of other drugs. There’s a glimmer of hope and I realise that, provided I’m lucky and get asked about the topics that I know well, I might just pass.

Stage 5: Determination through the dark days

At this point, I’m thoroughly fed up with it all. I’m sick of the sight of my books, my house is a mess with bits of paper with diagrams and graphs on thrown everywhere. I’m working 56 hours a week (8hrs a day, seven days a week) and then coming home and trying to do my studying on top of that. I have no social life and there’s nothing fun to look forward to. I think to myself “You know what, these are dark days and I’m REALLY miserable. There is NO FUCKING WAY that I’m going to put myself through all this again if I can possibly help it. I’m not going to leave it to luck, I’m going to work even harder to make sure I pass this bloody exam. Failure is not an option.”

Stage 6: Consolidation

The exam is only a few days away, I’ve done all the work I can, I know my stuff now and I feel quietly confident that I’m going to pass.

At the moment, I’m somewhere between stages 4 and 5 and I'm just hoping I can get to stage 6 before the exam itself. I’ve still got a lot to do, but I’m actually starting to believe that I WILL be able to at least cover all the topics before the exam.

While I was away…

The big story that I missed during my self-enforced break to study was the disgusting treatment of a surgeon in Scotland who was suspended from his job, not for any concerns about patient care, but because he called one of the architects of the MMC fiasco names.

This appalling abuse of power has been condemned by a host of bloggers, especially as it appears that the person behind his suspension is hardly whiter than white herself.

Said surgeon has since been re-instated to his job, but, like the Ferret says, the whole episode leaves rather a bitter taste.

Friday, 29 August 2008

I need to crack on...


I still have vast amounts of study to do for my rapidly approaching FRCA primary exam. The second part of the anaesthetic primary is an oral exam so, I also need to practice speaking about various exam topics in a sensible way.

I'm afraid that blogging is going to take a back seat for a while to let me catch up on my revision (or until I get sick of the sight of my textbooks).
...and, before you ask - no, this is not a picture of me (I have much better dress sense!)

Thursday, 28 August 2008

In which I lose the will...


From my point of view, giving a general anaesthetic is interesting for about an hour or so. In the first hour you induce the patient, do your nerve blocks and stabilise your patient for surgery. After the operation has lasted an hour or so, I start to get really fucking bored. There’s only so much fiddling with the vapourisers that a man can do before it starts to lose its appeal. Today, I was giving an anaesthetic to a man who needed an 8-hour operation and I tell you – after three hours I was bored, after six hours, I was climbing the walls and by the end, I’d almost lost the will to live. What on earth do you do with yourself for eight hours once you have a stable patient?
I tell you what I did - I did some revision, I chatted to the theatre staff, I put on some music, I poked fun at the surgeons and I even read the paper. In fact, I found myself turning into one big cliché!

I know for sure that there’s no way in hell that I could do long operations for the rest of my days – it would drive me crazy

Monday, 25 August 2008

Bank Holiday Monday

Today I learned (among other things):

- the Bohr equation for measuring physiological dead space
- the side effects of suxamethonium
- the sensory nerve supply to the foot and how to go about doing ankle blocks
- more about hypoxic pulmonary vasoconstriction
- the Bernoulli effect
- what “pontyning” means
- that once again, my social life has vanished into the ether…

I’d like to think that other people were having more fun than me, so tell me… What did you do on your Bank Holiday?

Friday, 22 August 2008

Ain’t your bitch

**bleep... **bleep... goes my pager and I find a phone and dial the in the number.

“Hello?” comes the reply

“Hello, it’s Michael here, Anaesthetics. Were you paging me?”

“Err.. yes, It’s Shri here, surgical SHO. I was wandering if you could help us? We have a woman who needs some I.V. fluids but I’ve tried to site a cannula into her but I can’t. I was wandering if you were free to come and do this venflon for us? One of your colleagues kindly came and did it for us earlier today.”

“An anaesthetist came and put a venflon into her earlier?”

“That’s right, the registrar came and did it earlier”

“And what happened to that venflon?”

“It came out”

“Well, that’s not very responsible of you is it? Why didn’t you secure the line properly and make sure it doesn’t come out?”

“I don’t know. It just came out.”

“And you’ve tried and can’t put it back again?”

“Well, we tried earlier but none of us can do it”

“Has your registrar tried?”

“No.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to call me to put in venflons in your patients.”

“I’m sorry??” comes the shocked voice at the end of the line. “One of you colleagues…”

“What one of my colleagues did as a favour is neither here nor there." I interupt. I'm getting a tad irritated by requests like this. "Look, this is what you should do. If you can’t put a venflon in, you need to call your registrar to come and do it, if he can’t do it then he needs to call the consultant to do it. If the consultant doesn’t want to do it then he needs to either get your reg to put in a central line or discuss with the ICU consultant about putting in a central line on the CEPOD list. If the ICU consultant agrees to that then we’ll come and put in a central line.”

“But I don’t think she needs a central line…”

“Then I suggest you either put a venflon in yourself or get one of your surgical colleagues to put one in. You guys are doctors too aren’t you?”

“But…”

“I’m not coming to do it. End of story. Either you sort it out yourselves or you go through the ICU consultant. Putting in your venflons is not what I’m on call for. Goodbye.”

Unsurprisingly, I didn’t hear anything more about that venflon. To me, there is a big difference between "helping" and "doing someone else's job for them."

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Room for improvement


I was listening to radio 5live on the drive home from work yesterday afternoon and they were interviewing Dave Brailsford, the man who is the head of British Cycling about the absolutely phenomenal achievement of the track team in Beijing (7 gold medals from 10 events so far!). Dave was explaining how the cycling team had gone about targeting every single aspect of the performance of the riders and the bikes and really left no stone unturned in their meticulous preparation. The quote that he came up with was “In order to improve things by 100%, you need to improve 100 things by 1%.”

This struck a cord with me and my work in the NHS. The NHS has far, far more money than British Cycling (in fact, the entire annual budget for British Cycling would run the NHS for about ten hours) but in 2008, we are struggling to provide the sort of world class service that we aspire to. It’s a little allegorical to what I wrote about the real difference between ICU and ward care.

I’ve been reading the posts of Dr Jane Doe over at Two Weeks On A Trolley with great interest. She’s been pointing the inefficiencies in the Irish Healthcare system (for Irish, read British because, at the front line, the two systems are pretty identical) and how these inefficiencies directly compromise patient care. She also writes about how the healthcare system down under copes with exactly the same problems in a much better, faster, more efficient and cheaper way. You really should read her posts, they’re fantastic.

I think part of the problem with the NHS is that nobody listens to the people who actually deliver the service. Actually, it’s not even that nobody listens, nobody evens asks the questions. Nobody wants to hear our ideas about how we can make the service better, and that is one of the most frustrating things.

Anyway, this post isn’t meant to be just another “The NHS is crap” whine, I actually wanted to write something constructive about how I think my area of specialty (anaesthesia) could be improved. Here are my top 5 ideas:

1. Get rid of the anaesthetic room.

The anaesthetic room (AR) is an anteroom right next to operating theatre. Patients coming in for surgery come into this room where we anaesthetists give them their general anaesthetic before moving the unconscious patient into the operating room (OR). From day 1 as an anaesthetist, I’ve always thought that this was really pointless. The hardest part of a general anaesthetic is the induction. This is the time where the patient is the most unstable, and as a result, this is the time that the patient is the most vulnerable. To me it seems really odd that, at the time where the patient is most at risk, we have to disconnect all our monitoring equipment and then move the patient into the OR and then drag the (sometime quite hefty) patient from the trolley onto the operating table. It’s all totally pointless and unnecessary. It puts the patients at risk and it puts the staff at risk too from having to drag unconscious people around. It would make much more sense to have the patient walk into the OR and then we give them their anaesthetic on the operating table – in fact this is exactly what we do if we feel the patient is a particularly high risk (e.g. emergency AAA repairs).

2. Automatic Doors

As I said above, we anaesthetist spend a lot of time moving unconscious people around. We go from the AR to the OR and from the OR to the recovery room. Some times we have to go through three or four sets of double doors wheeling an unconscious person on a trolley. We do this several times a day. Having to open doors and hold them open when we’re transferring patients is a pain in the arse. Can we not have automatic doors in theatres? If not fully automatic, then at least the type that open when you push a button. It makes sense. They have them in just about every high street store, can we not have them in the NHS?

3. Printouts

During an operation, we anaesthetist keeps a record of the patient’s vital signs. Every five minutes, we’ll write down the patient’s blood pressure oxygen saturations etc… etc… Whilst this is no big chore, it surprises me that the highly expensive anaesthetic machines just can’t print all this information out for us. Surely it can’t be that difficult?

4. Use Wireless Technology

I can sit and type this on my laptop and publish it to the internet using no wires at all. Bluetooth means that we can connect our mobile phones to our fridges if we so desire. As an anaesthetist, I spend a lot of my time untangling the patient from the wires and cables of our monitoring devices. The ECG leads, blood pressure tube and sats probe will inevitably get wrapped around or caught under various parts of the unconscious patient. We should be able to have ECGs, BP cuffs and sats probes that connect to the anaesthetics machines wirelessly and get rid of this problem.

5. Bleeps

This is one that’s not specific to anaesthesia but is the bane of junior hospital doctors across the nation. The bleeps (or pagers) that we have to carry and use to contact each other have to be the most annoying and inefficient way of communicating ever invented. I’ve mentioned this before and the solution is for hospitals to have a mobile phone system rather than a paging system. Communication would be much better and things would get done faster because staff won’t have to sit around waiting for people to answer their bleeps.

Monday, 18 August 2008

A job for life


I was working with a consultant today and we gave a general anaesthetic to an 87 year old woman who was having some skin lesions (BCCs and SCCs for the medics among you) removed and some skin grafting done.

We gave her a very gentle anaesthetic and were able to successfully guide her through the operation without too much drama. Whilst the operation was going on it hit me that I was helping give a general anaesthetic to an 87 years old with a list of medical problems as long as my arm for a non-life saving operation. It struck me that (once I’ve had a few years more training) there will always be work for anaesthetists to do and I’ll always be needed. No matter where I go, no matter what happens to the health service, no matter how much the politicians meddle, there will always be people that require surgery and therefore, there will always be a need for me and my skills as an anaesthetist.

At the weekend, I was consoling an old school friend who had just been made redundant from the London branch of the bank UBS (though, considering the size of his redundancy package, I didn’t feel too sorry for him). In contrast, I’m pretty sure that no matter what happens in the future, I’ll always be able to earn a crust.

The future’s bright.

btw WHAT a stunning performance from Great Britain in the olympics. I wish I’d taken this fortnight as annual leave so I could watch more of our Olympians doing the country proud. Go Team GB!

Friday, 15 August 2008

A crisis of confidence


I’m having a bit of a crisis of confidence at the moment. It’s just over a week since I changed jobs and it’s becoming blatantly obvious that all the other ST2 and CT2 anaesthetists here (i.e. those employed at the same level as me) are actually much better than me. They’ve all done lots of anaesthetics in various foreign countries before coming to work here and thus, they’re all much more experienced than I am. They’re happy to do neuro-axial anaesthesia, paediatrics and central lines completely unsupervised and I feel I’m quite a way off that stage yet.

I know that it’s not a fair playing field and that, despite being employed at the same level, they’re far more experienced than me… but I can’t shake the nagging feeling that I am currently way behind “the competition.”

The fact that it’s dawning on me what a colossal task I’m facing when I sit my exam in October isn’t helping. Perhaps it’s because I’ve just come off a long shift and am feeling a bit tired and emotional, but – right now, my confidence is lower than it’s been in months.