So tired...

The weather seemed to be affecting the mood on medical assessment today. It was gloomy and rainy me and the other doctors were all feeling pretty glum. For me, I think I’m just tired. I’m having to work 18 days in a row and I’m doing long days (12.5 hrs) for 9 of them. I can’t be bothered to work out how many hours that adds up to but it’s a lot.

Tiredness affects different people in different ways. I think we all get a bit short-tempered and grumpy when we’re tired but I’ve noticed that when I get a bit worn down, it really affects my emotions. Generally, I think I’m a pretty emotional person, I get upset about things, I get angry about things, I laugh a lot. One of the things I’ve learned is how to show these emotions in a way that helps people engage with me and this is standing me in good stead in my personal and professional life. I’m not scared to show that I’m upset by something, or that I’m stressed or angry or nervous or happy.

Usually, when I’ve been working long shifts or nights and I feel really tired, I get upset more easily than normal and tend to dwell on things.

Today I felt different. I just felt like things didn’t matter to me as much and I just wanted to get through the day. I almost felt cold.

Things continued to happen like they always do in hospital. For example, there is a man on the High Dependency Unit because he has GI haemorrhage and DIC. This evening he had a heart attack, therefore going into multi-organ failure meaning he’s highly likely to die. It kind of washed over me. Of course I did all the stuff that was expected of me – I organised transfusions, I explained what was happening and the likely outcome to this man and his relatives - but it felt like I was going through the motions and I know that’s a horrible thing to say but it’s true.

I think I just need to sleep so I'm taking myself off to bed.

Goodnight.

Days to unemployment=19