Getting Nervous

I’m getting nervous now.

I haven’t posted much about MMC or MTAS because, let’s face it, it’s pretty well covered elsewhere in medical blogosphere but it’s getting me down again. The application process has been dragging on and on and on since December and I’m just tired of it. Last week and this week, the deaneries actually started making job offers via email... at different times to different people. This means that some people have secured a job already – good on ‘em – whilst others are still waiting.

I’m still waiting, I’m still hoping, I’m still checking my inbox two to three times a day for any news, still wondering if I mis-typed the email address on the application form, still gob-smacked at being told by one of the consultants that interviewed me that a year’s worth of SHO experience in A&E and surgery was “irrelevant,” still staring down the barrel of unemployment in 57 days.

As each day passes, I get euphoric texts and calls from my doctor friends who have been made a job offer or two. While I’m really glad that my friends don’t have to worry about it anymore, every text message brings more sharply into focus the fact that I have nothing.

This is horrible.

It feels like A-level results day in that you know your future for the next five years is going to depend on the letters in that white envelope. That day, emotions were running high and it seemed that everybody was either ecstatic or distraught.

For me, this is much, much worse than that day. At least then, you knew you were going to get an answer. Now, I just don’t know. If I haven’t got a job, I won’t know until the 20th of June. The not-knowing is sickening and it’s getting me down.

I’m going to try and get some sleep and I’m hoping I feel better about it in the morning.

Goodnight.